I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
