Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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