I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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