i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
