There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
So. Much. Porn.
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