Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
