She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
