How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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