??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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