i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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