apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
