He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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