1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
