I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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