So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
