the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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