The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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