just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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