Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
