Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
