I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
