Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
