just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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