From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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