He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize