It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your penis caused this!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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