Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
