Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
