I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
