remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
