your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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