I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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