I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
