My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
