Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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