She said her name was "party"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
