he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
