I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
