Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
