we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
