CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize