Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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