when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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