He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
