need another drink. this is the easiest way
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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