btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
