508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
