You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
