I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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