Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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