I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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