Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
