I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
