Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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