Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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