either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
