Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
