and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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