You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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