The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
