new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
