he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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