I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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