it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
