okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
