yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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