So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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