I wish I could teleport
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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