He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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