kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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