Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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