I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
