I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
