At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize