While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
