grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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