what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
