am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
