she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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