My room smells like vodka and shame
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
