oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
