Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
