That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm getting married
To pizza
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
