I accidentally had phone sex last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
