Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
