when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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