No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
