I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
