You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
