never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
