Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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