I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
