we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
