all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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