I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
