You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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