I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got chris browned last night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize