it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
