If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
