Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we're so committed to being not committed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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