If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize