I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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