I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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