My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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