remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
