I think my fart just growled at me.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
