I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My dick has a subreddit
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
