apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Pants are for mortals
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
