If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
