I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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