Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
