Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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