Banned from zoo.
Again?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
