you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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