ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
