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yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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