but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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