Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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