I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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