I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
