y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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